Thursday, August 11, 2011

Working on my million words of crap.

It has been a while since updating this blog. For good reason. I've been working on my million words of crap. I found a story to tell and am pursuing this story with a vengeance. I won't let it go this time. All my writing energy is going into it. After the first write up I will share. I promise.  So I guess I am riding my muse pretty hard. She is happy.

This should be a good time for me. It is not. I feel like a fake. Like I am pretending to tell a story. Every thing is wrong. I am tumbling into a dark pit. The only brief moments of clarity or happiness lately is when and only when actually writing. This is not how it has worked for me in the past; I am anxious, so I write. I am elated at having written. I settle down content and smug. Now; I am anxious. I write I am at peace. I stop writing and  I am immediately anxious again. It is like my biggest coping mechanism is broke. I am broke and no one really gives a dam. Well I do, I care. Maybe that will be enough this time.

Wish me luck all. I will keep you posted.

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